I AM a Strong and Independent Woman, and this how I know.

What makes a strong and independent woman?

‘Oh that’s easy’, I thought to myself, ‘she’s the kind of girl that says “I don’t need anyone” and means it. She does not possess the ‘feminine’ qualities of squealing at something that excites or disgusts her but rather remains in her placid composure. In fact, it almost seems like she doesn’t have a heart because she’s never wailed or shed a tear over a heartbreak. She’s just like those fictional girls in the movies, who would leap over rooftops and cars or can take the villain down with her wild combat moves.’

Given this image I asked myself, am I a strong, independent woman? Back then, I could only sigh in reply. I am too emotional to be able to stop my tears from flowing, once life begs me to carry burdens on my shoulders. I still ask my family for help when I need to travel to the bustling city for a job interview, rather than taking the bus alone. And I still depend heavily on reassurances and comfort to make me feel better.

When the phrase ‘strong and independent woman’ became popular in the internet, I, inevitably, was one of those girls who proclaimed this statement all over our social profiles. Yet, whenever I said it, I felt like I was spitting out empty words; ‘I’m a strong and independent woman,’ I declared but then the image of my ideal woman kept popping up in my thoughts and she would always ask, “Are you really?” It became one of my insecurities; to know that I can never come close to that epitome.

I learned the hard way that being strong and independent is an entire process. It’s not enough to call yourself one. You are molded into becoming even better than the woman in your head. But it is not a breeze; it is not a smooth sail. It’s a slow and painful development.

I spent many nights crying over the things I couldn’t stop worrying about. But I bravely ignored the voice in my head screaming that I was weak and vulnerable and allowed all the tears roll down from my eyes until there were no tears left. I held on to my faith, even when everything started to feel hazy. There were bad days and worse days, but no matter how empty I was inside and how heavy it felt, I got through them. I carried on. Life is not going to stop for me and neither will I, but some days I take a pause and I grant myself the rest that I deserved.

I began looking for happiness in the smallest things: my favourite candy, the smell of popcorn in the cinema, a wonderful home-made meal during a rainy day, listening to the songs from my favourite band back in high school, etcetera. I opened my eyes one day and understood how I am fiercely and greatly loved by the most important people around me. Suddenly, days got easier to get by.

I had breakthroughs on the things I didn’t know I was doing wrong and on the habits I didn’t immediately realize were toxic: my emotional dependence, my sensitivity, my anxiety. I committed myself to finding solutions to these issues, even when those required a great deal of painful adjusting.

Aside from that, I've always kept this mindset that I don't need help from people especially when I'm given a task to work on; I can accomplish that on my own and I would much rather work by myself. I guess this was my way of convincing myself that I can be independent, but I lately understood how wrong that was. We shouldn't turn down a helping hand because we need someone's aid every once in a while, and we shouldn't be ashamed to admit that.

Once, I made a bold move by choosing my peace, even if that required me to cut off people I used to be close with. I sought for the good in myself; I put a lot of my energy into making those parts the best of me and I unapologetically loved them especially my feminine qualities that others couldn’t stand.

There were so many internal battles that I fought and won alone, that not a lot of people knew about. I am sure to face a lot more, but seeing as how I am able to withstand anything life throws at me, I know now that I have the proper tools to get me through. I will see to it that with each mistake I make, I will turn into a learning curve.

Looking back on all of the struggles I got past and seeing my determination for what tomorrow brings, I realized… I did it. I’ve become the woman I want to be. So yes, I am not a combat badass girl who has the emotional range of a teaspoon, and yes I still ask for help especially when I desperately need it. But the next time some asks me what makes a strong and independent woman, I know what to answer:

Without a hint of doubt, without a holding back, without hesitation, “Oh that’s easy! She’s me.”